Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
