All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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