Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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