Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
