I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You took a bar mat shot.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
