your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
