How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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