She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
