So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
