I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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