I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
