Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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