I'm laying in your front yard are you home
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
