you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
