i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
