dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
