Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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