i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
