Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
