Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
