i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
