I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
