so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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