y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
