Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
