It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
