it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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