Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
