my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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