dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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