Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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