Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I bet he comes in French.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
