: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
