If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
