Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
