Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
