operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
