im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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