In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
