I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
