he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
