the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
