I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
