im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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