I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just found puke in my bra..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
