I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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