Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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