dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
