Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
