Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
