I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
